Unemployment

For those who don't know, the woman I was taking care of as a caregiver passed away on December 20th. It was very expected, and so very peaceful. While this was a sad expectation, the realisation of being unemployed came with a little bit more of a shock. But, that would be a very long post. So, I thought instead, I would give you some insight into my most recent revelations about this all new chapter. Please enjoy and look for more updates as Jesus continues to show me the directions He already had planned for Noah and me ❤️
Things I've learned since being unemployed: 

1) finding a job is a full-time job - a truth my momma always told me about, but I've never understood until now.

2) so much of the world's communication is via computers; and though I find it annoying, that's just the world we live in.

3) not having a computer or internet at home has given me a new found appreciation for the public library system - especially since usage is free in Washington state. 

4) I haven't really written a resume since high school; come to find out, writing a resume is much easier when you have much less experience.

5) I've never had so much appreciation/respect for house-wives as I do now; somehow, I clean the house everyday, and it is just as messy just hours later - and we don't even have kids or pets!

6) sleeping in is both wonderful and dangerous in the sense that I have no pressing issues to attend to so, why not just sleep - then BOOM its 11AM and none of my goals have been accomplished.

7) my house can only be so clean before its obsessively clean.

8) the freedom to have a hobby is a bit daunting; there are so very many to choose from!

9) I, in fact, LOVE to cook; think of all the recipes Noah is going to have to try!

And finally, 10) the only thing that I now know to be 100% reliable in all walks of life is the never-ending, never-failing, all-knowing, love, will, and insight of my God: Jehovah Jirah, and Abba Father.

Briefly Updated

I'd like to be able to write a beautiful little ditty about my life as of late. But, I think there are just too many changes to report that it will not be a quick jot and the timer on my library computer only has 34 minutes left. But, I can give you bullet points. So, here goes:

1) Noah has been promoted to supervisor and today was the start of his new position at his new store.
2) I've been - thankfully - relieved of my 60-70 hour work weeks - people still laugh when I say I'm only working 48 hours per week.
3) I was outrageously spoiled by my friends and family for my 23rd birthday: surprise pedicures and dinner with 5 fabulous people whom I love, a trip up to WA by my lovely parents, and a couple of the most useful camping tools I could have (and probably did) ask for.
4) We love living in Monroe - thank the Lord my heart was finally changed. I cannot imagine living anywhere else.
5) My oldest nephew turned 16 and got his first car; 2 things I simply am unable to wrap my head around.
6) Beloved changed to Wednesday nights at our apartment and it has been so different and sweet.
7) I've been constantly reminded how L O V E D I am by the One True God and He has shown me that in a multitude of ways over the past months. And, undoubtedly will continue to show me over the course of my life.

I know it is short, but that is the best I can do for now. As I continue to commit to decorating our home and making it more...homey...I will do my best to share some photos. But, here I leave you, mildly updated and more in the loop. How can you stop and appreciate the things in your life? Even if it is only a 12 hour decrease in work hours - there is always something to be thankful for.

'Tis the season :)

The timer is now at 24 minutes.

James 1:15 - The Art of Desiring

I want to go back to school.
I want to move to a new apartment.
I want to pay off all of our loans right now.
I want to have kids some day.
I want to be able to afford higher rent.
I want to work in ministry long term.
I want to counsel hurting young women.
I want to have more than one day off.
I want to not have to go back to school.
I want to just be a mom and wife.
I want to travel freely.
I want to have more goals.
I want to start crafting.

I want to tell you why this is toxic.

How many times have I made a list of things to change or accomplish? Well, far too many to tell you about. How often do I complain about where I am in life? Ask my husband. But the better question: how often am I thankful? Well, again, ask my husband. But, if I were to tell you that, this would be a much shorter post. James 1:15 says this, "Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death" (NKJV). Desire in itself is not a bad thing. In fact, to desire is to act on a God-given nature. But, where your desire is rooted is where the issues arise. Is there anything inherently evil about the things I've listed? Well, no. Most of them sound like healthy goals to have; getting out of debt, being fruitful and multiplying, being productive with my time, helping others, desiring rest, etc. But, in the list above, how many of those things are all about me?

Every. Single. One.

Please allow me the opportunity to be the first to say that I am a selfish being. I want what I want and I want it now. Uh hello, Veruca Salt.

But please allow me to also say this. self-depreciation or self-loathing is not the best way to change this attitude. At best, tearing yourself down just continues to put the focus back on you. Well, what is the best way? Your five-year-old-Sunday-school-self knows the answer: Jesus.

As our hearts are knit closer and closer to the heart of Christ, we become a brighter reflection of the Son. The desire part is not the issue. It is where the desire has become rooted. In the list of "I want to's" my desires are rooted in myself. The greek word for desire in James 1:15 (epithymia) means this: "desire, craving, longing, desire for what is forbidden, lust" (Blue Letter Bible Lexicon). This specific use of desire is a longing that is poorly rooted. Or rather, the chosen root placement is unhealthy to say the least. When I say "I want to be there not here." Or, "I want to have that not this," my desires have gotten off track. I am my own desires. And if we finish the verse, "sin, when it is full grown, leads to death" we can see the fruit of our labors. Desiring self does not seem toxic - at first. Goals, positions of leadership, nurturing, not bad. However, when your desires are based on furthering yourself - or even furthering/bettering the lives of others - rather than on furthering the Kingdom of God, well, your end has already been written.

But, desires' roots can be replanted.

Psalm 37:4-5 "Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass" (NKJV).

Psalm 38:9 "Lord, all my desire is before You; and my sighing is not hidden from You" (NKJV).

Isaiah 26:8 "Yes, in the way of Your judgements, O LORD, we have waited for You: The desire of our soul is for Your name and for the remembrance of You" (NKJV). 

The focus CAN be placed back on Christ. We are made to serve a master. Who or what you serve is a decision you make. It is a desire you place. It is a trust you build. Thankfully, we are unable to serve two masters (Matthew 6:24). 

So, all of this to say, where are your desires rooted? Where has your trust been placed? Who are you trying to further? Maybe this is a message that ruffles some feathers. Or maybe this is a message that is hard to hear simply because you can relate to my issues. Well, welcome to the club. Please, if you have any questions or comments or corrections about what I've said, feel free to ask! When I sat down to write this post, I wasn't sure what the end result would be. And, to be honest, I still am not quite sure how to end this post. But, I do know that the Word of God is truth and that it gives us something to point us in the right direction - the way of the Lord. 

For Everything There Is A Season

November 2013 - Mr. Noah Irish, my boyfriend of 3 years, proposed marriage, and I bought a wedding dress with my momma and sister.
December 2013 - graduated from Northwest University with my Bachelor's of Arts in General Studies and moved my 21-year-old self to Kirkland.
January 2014 - brought in the new year with 5 men (Noah included), broken guitars, and mortars in the fire place.
February 2014 - started a new job, only to give my two weeks notice three weeks later.
March 2014 - started at Starbucks as a fresh face with no experience.
April 2014 - transferred to another store and made approximately 20 new friends.
May 2014 - walked across a stage and received my diploma from the university president and hung out with my family and my soon-to-be family at lunch.
June 2014 - went home to Oregon to be showered by family and friends in honor of my wedding.
July 2014 - watched and stood next to one of my very best friends as she married her very best adventure buddy.
August 2014 - finalized all of the plans for our wedding with the help of my beautiful mother and sister, was taken out by two wonderful friends for my bachelorette party, saw one of my best friends come back from London, married my best friend, provider, and confidant on the 23rd, and started a new job 5 days later.
September 2014 - hit the six month mark at Starbucks and became a barista trainer.
October 2014 - turned 22, and lost a friend to cancer.
November 2014 - my parents celebrated 25 years of marriage, we signed a lease for a 104 year old apartment and will move in on the first of December, I gave my two weeks notice at a job I have had for 1 year and 4 months, and I cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner last night.

This past year has certainly been filled with ups and downs, highs and lows, lefts and rights, and all that good directional stuff. It's been a tough year as well as a very...developing year. I'm reminded of all of God's promises to prosper us (Jeremiah 29:11), love us (John 3:16), and guide/restore us (Psalm 23:2). He's so faithful and so good to us. And this Thanksgiving, while I am working and giving wonderful people the caffeine needed to pep them up for family get-togethers or going to work themselves and my husband is doing the same, I'd like to leave you with this reminder:

"Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth! Serve the LORD with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the LORD, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people and the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations" (Psalm 100).

Where To Begin

Hello, faithful blog followers. It's been awhile. Allow me to update you on the current state of my life:

Work:
. I've been working more hours at Starbucks getting ready to start paying back my loans
. Recently, my supervisors have been asking me to supervise beginners while they make drinks which is a huge compliment to me!
. My six month review is in two more months, and I am hoping to become a barista trainer - I've always loved to teach!
. The transition to a new store was difficult at first, but now I love my store and fellow partners!

School:
. I finished Microbiology and learned from the experience that as much as I love to learn about and practice science, I'm not sure that I see it as a life career for me
. On that note, after much prayer and consideration, I've been told to wait to go back to school as I am currently making a big transition into becoming a wife!
. I am going to go pick up my diploma from NU on Monday, and finally get to see (on paper) the fruits of my labor

Church:
. I love teaching Beloved and it is going well so far! I faithfully have about seven girls who attend and we are making our way through Hebrews (that is a whole other blog post in itself!)
. Noah and I have been youth leaders for one year and four months and its going pretty well! We've graduated three kids and have been continuing to learn about the other kids and grow to love them more and more
. We are also continuing to grow more and more in the community/body of the church and we feel so at home at Calvary Monroe

Home:
. My wonderful roommate Rylie is getting married next weekend!!! Which means that she is officially moving out on Monday. She was my pseudo roommate for four years, and then my actual roommate for seven months and I have loved getting to know her and continuing to grow into the bosom buddies that we've become.
. Noah and I will be living here, where I currently live, beginning August 23rd, for no more than six months (at least that is the plan as of now).
. My house is currently in a state of disarray as I have not had time to sit down and put everything away!

Love:
. Noah and I get married in 50 days! After over 1350 days of dating, we are tying the knot and I can count the number of weeks on two hands ;)
. The past two weeks, I have been terribly homesick and really missing my family in Oregon. It would appear that the next time I go home, I will be a married woman and that has been a major adjustment to process through.
. My oldest nephew turned fifteen one week ago and I can hardly believe that! To top it off, my youngest nephew is turning five in five days! Let me remind you that he did not walk or talk when I left for college!
. I have been a fairly absentee daughter/sister/aunt to my family in Oregon - no excuses here - and I feel awful about that. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and in my lackluster communication skills via technology, I've learned to be in prayer for my family every time they cross my mind. So, they are constantly being prayed for!

That is a summary of my life as of late. Some of the nitty-gritty information was not transferred onto this post via my fingertips because it is too long to write about and this is an update ;) But, through all of the changes I have been experiencing, the Lord has constantly been reminding me that He alone is enough and that He alone is the lifter of my head and the sustainer of my life. And, He's also allowed me moments like this, where I am able to reflect back on all that He has brought me to and through in the past years, and be truly blessed by how well He knows me and is continuing to shape the woman I am becoming.

Well, dear reader, that is all for now! How blessed we are with the technology to be able to keep up with one another even from hundreds of miles apart!

I Failed Another Resolution

4 months and 14 days in, and I will be the first to take the walk of shame down the "I have failed yet another New Year's resolution to lose weight" path.

In all fairness, I'm not sure the ever faithful "I will lose ___  pounds this year" has ever truly stuck with me. There have definitely been years that I've said, "I'm just not going to have a resolution this year. That way, when I don't keep it, I won't be letting myself down." Bleh. Talk about an easy out!

Well, today is the beginning of my new year

Ha. Just kidding. This is what has really been happening.

I'm getting married in 19 weeks. Whoa! How it snuck up on me that fast I will never know. Regardless, it's happening, and I am so excited! Noah and I have been together for three and a half years today. I'm not even going to begin the expansive list of things that I love about him or all of the lessons I've learned. Just know, dear reader, that there are many and I am madly in love. But, in the spectrum of a lifetime, a brief moment at a (Lord willing) beautiful wedding, wearing a (truthfully) beautiful dress, should not be motivation to stick to a commitment. I believe it should be something bigger. Let's try the next recent event.

I started working at Starbucks one month and 4 days ago. For those who are curious, I absolutely love it and am so thankful for the opportunity to work there, and yes, I have a favorite drink to make, consume, and encourage others to try. Unbeknownst to the common coffee shop goer, there is a lot of manual labor that happens at Starbucks; both behind the counter, as well as behind the swinging door to the mysterious "back" we tell you we will check when you ask for a pastry not visible in the display case. Being out of shape and performing said manual labor has not yet been too terribly challenging, but there have been a few bumps and bruises that may not have otherwise happened. However, in the grand scheme of things, lifting heavy boxes and running around filling ice containers, making delicious beverages, or moving refrigerators is not a fantastic reason to recommit to a New Year's resolution. So, what is?

Well, I will tell you what it is for me personally (everyone has their own motivation, but I've begun to see reasons to change my lackluster commitment in a new light).

You and I are made in the image of God. I know, it may seem a silly or trivial reason to commit to taking better care of myself, but really. If you had the opportunity to "Freaky Friday" with your favorite actor or actress, you'd want to treat them with respect, and probably glam it up a bit. Well, you're made in the image of God daily. It is unchanging. And what's better is that He is unchanging. He looked at you and me and the rest of Creation, and saw that it was good. If that is not motivation enough, let me add the cross to the mix. God saw that it was good (Genesis 1:31) and wanted to spend the rest of eternity with us. So, in order for that to happen, he sent his one and only Son (check out John 3:16) to save us. Save us from what? From eternal separation from the very Being who created us. From Hell. And from pain and suffering for all of eternity. If I knew that someone loved me so wildly and romantically as to sacrifice their LIFE for me, then I would do everything I could to find him and tell him how much I loved and appreciated him. Well, I have done that by starting a personal relationship with Jesus. And let me tell you, the hope I have in Him (Hebrews 6:19) is something to rejoice about!

All this to say, that the way I treat myself, reflects how I treat the work of my Savior's hands. And thus far, I've been doing a pretty lousy job. It's not about a New Year's resolution, it's about the fact that I am made in the image of God. I am loved by the one and only true God, and I believe that He wants what is best for me. I don't plan on becoming super skinny and only eating kale, but I do plan on putting effort forth to respect God's creation; myself and others included. This isn't just a self-respecting thing. This is looking at the work of the Savior's hands and seeing the love He has for us. Just yesterday, it dawned on me all of the people who don't know or don't want to know the love of God. Dang. I only wish that I was able to adequately express how heavy that realization was.

Anyway, this post is not a slam to people who feel overweight or out of shape, and just haven't done anything to change that. I dig. Up until 2.5 hours ago, I hadn't done anything either. But then I walked and jogged. It was hard and I am still slowly recovering, but it was done. Please, dear reader, don't get down on yourself because one more blogger is talking about putting forth effort to get into shape. Instead, realize that you are loved, that Jesus died for you, and that if you never put on running shoes, those facts will never change. You are 100% loved and cared for by your Savior. If you have yet to meet Him, I really encourage you to do so!

Let me end with these two verses,

". . . for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, AND all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus" (Romans 3:23-24).

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).

There you go dear reader. Ask questions. Read the verses mentioned for yourself. See that the Lord is good.

Every Thursday Night

Typically, when people ask me what Beloved is all about, I just say "Jesus." He is the focus. The reason why we meet every Thursday night is to learn about His love for us and to understand that via the Bible. 

However, Beloved has become so much more than a Bible study. 

Every Thursday night, I have the privilege of meeting with 7-10 of my sisters. 

Every Thursday night, I find out that even though I studied in order to actually teach and lead, my girls always have so much to teach me.

Every Thursday night, I see the growth that has taken place since July, as girls - some who hardly knew one another - come together and genuinely care.

Every Thursday night, these beautiful young women share their concerns, struggles, and joys with one another.

Every Thursday night, I am challenged as a leader to shut my mouth and allow the Lord to speak through me.

And every Thursday night, I see a small glimpse of what God had in mind when He said that we are to be one body. 

Beloved is made up of young women who go to different churches, different schools, work at different places, are different ages, have their own opinions, and are by no means perfect. But, the one absolute common ground is that we want to know more about our Savior. Whether someone comes to the group with vast knowledge, or no knowledge of Jesus at all, we want to know more! We want to be able to grasp His Word and share it with others. And most of all, we want to be able to love like Jesus. 

"For by the grace given to me [Paul] I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another" 

(Romans 12:3-5 ESV),