Thursday, November 3, 2011
Restoration
I have become another person. Someone I am not. I am not the type of girl to cry all the time out of self-pity. I am not the type to wallow in my pain. My life has always been driven by others. I want to be a nurse to help others. I want to be a missionary to save others through the grace of God. I have been living for myself. I have been in a state of depression. I have sought out my own strength. I have not been building others up. And when I spend all of my time focusing on myself and the things that I am going through, I fall apart. The past two months of my life have been void of quality time with the people in my life that matter the most. I do not have a girl friend that I can go to and build up or be built up by. I have not been doing what God has called me to be doing. I'm not sure if it is because I have been spending so much time with Noah or simply because I have been spending too much time with myself and all of my doubts. My heart is broken because of all of the opportunities I have missed to spend with others. Like John 1 says, I have been given so many blessings and one of those is the ability to encourage others. Now is the best time to get off of my sorrow horse and take time for others. God has placed me on this earth not to further myself, but to encourage others and build them up. Now, I will seek out the R-E-S-T-O-R-A-T-I-O-N!
Monday, October 24, 2011
The Presence of God
October 24, 2011
At church today, I was worshiping. Just doing the usual, semi-monotonous worship when I realized something...I was in the Presence of God! Worship is an act of surrender at Christ's feet. Not just saying some words that are scrolling on a screen; the words that I sing are the prayers that I am lifting up to my Creator. Words like: "we're giving it all away, away," "our God is an awesome God He reigns," or "my soul waits, reach out my hands before You, my Keeper, i will come running." These words are not empty, they are real. These are the things that I am asking of God; these are the things that I am saying to God; and these are the things that I am declaring to God. And, this morning, I realized that I was at His feet. I was lifting up my unworthy and no good praise to Him and He met me right there are cradled me in His huge arms. That in itself blew my mind! Then, I was again humbled. After reading an article on the safety (or lack there of) in Sudan and Haiti, I realized that for the first time in my life that these wonderful opportunities that God has opened the door for, will be the first time that I am truly putting my life in jeopardy for the benefit of my faith. However, as much as the facts scare me, I am not anxious. I know that God is good and that whatever happens to me while I am there, is exactly as He has planned. I have never felt more on track with my Creator than I do right now. The other thing that I realized today is that, even though I am scared to experience these things, the people that are living in Haiti and Sudan are living those things. It is not just a possibility that death, rape, illness, or countless other things could it is reality for them. And that is what really breaks my heart. God intended for this world to be so beautiful and perfect and yet, because of our sin, there are so many things in this world that are destroying the lives of millions - if not billions - of people. Now, more than ever, not do I just want to go to these places, I have to go. God is going to open the doors that need to be opened and close those that need to be so tightly shut. He is good and just and He will provide the way. Amen!
At church today, I was worshiping. Just doing the usual, semi-monotonous worship when I realized something...I was in the Presence of God! Worship is an act of surrender at Christ's feet. Not just saying some words that are scrolling on a screen; the words that I sing are the prayers that I am lifting up to my Creator. Words like: "we're giving it all away, away," "our God is an awesome God He reigns," or "my soul waits, reach out my hands before You, my Keeper, i will come running." These words are not empty, they are real. These are the things that I am asking of God; these are the things that I am saying to God; and these are the things that I am declaring to God. And, this morning, I realized that I was at His feet. I was lifting up my unworthy and no good praise to Him and He met me right there are cradled me in His huge arms. That in itself blew my mind! Then, I was again humbled. After reading an article on the safety (or lack there of) in Sudan and Haiti, I realized that for the first time in my life that these wonderful opportunities that God has opened the door for, will be the first time that I am truly putting my life in jeopardy for the benefit of my faith. However, as much as the facts scare me, I am not anxious. I know that God is good and that whatever happens to me while I am there, is exactly as He has planned. I have never felt more on track with my Creator than I do right now. The other thing that I realized today is that, even though I am scared to experience these things, the people that are living in Haiti and Sudan are living those things. It is not just a possibility that death, rape, illness, or countless other things could it is reality for them. And that is what really breaks my heart. God intended for this world to be so beautiful and perfect and yet, because of our sin, there are so many things in this world that are destroying the lives of millions - if not billions - of people. Now, more than ever, not do I just want to go to these places, I have to go. God is going to open the doors that need to be opened and close those that need to be so tightly shut. He is good and just and He will provide the way. Amen!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Divine Romance
Leviticus 17:11 (NIV)
"For the life of a creature is in the blood, and I have given it to you to make atonement for yourselves on the altar; it is the blood that makes the atonement for one's life."
Mark 3:28 (NIV)
"I tell you the truth, all the sins and blasphemies of men will be forgiven them."
Jesus Christ was my atoning blood. No matter what we do, as long as we confess with out mouth and believe in our hearts that he is the Son of God, all of our sins and blasphemies will be forgiven. It seems that in a world so dark and dreary that more people should be witnessing and living a life dedicated fully to Christ. I for one, do not pick up my cross daily. I pick up my baggage. I pick up the weight of a thousand things to do. I pick up my insecurities. I pick up the stress of having Nursing as a major. I pick up my past sins. I pick up the weight of other's problems - knowing full well that I cannot fix them on my own - yet here I stand with their baggage in hand. Matthew 28: 19 says: "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (NIV). What does this mean? It means that I need to be active. I need to live out my faith. I need to let go of all of the things that I am currently holding and just give them to God. I need to know and believe that even thought I can barely keep my head up, God is gently holding me and I don't have to try to keep my head up, I just have to look up and there it will stay.
Jesus Christ came to this earth and died for me. He died for you. He died for everyone. Anything and everything that I have ever done, thought, or acted on, has been forgiven. I am washed new daily and, what is even better than that, is His mercies are new EVERYDAY! That is a promise that I should never forget. God loves me and cherishes me more than I could ever asked to be loved by another human being. We all fall short, but the beautiful thing is that no matter how short, God is always there to catch us, pick us up, and in that still, small voice say: "I am here. I am holding you. And I love you."
Phil Wickham's song Divine Romance:
The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty's all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I'm completely satisfied
For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love
A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it's filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
"For the life of a creature is in the blood, and I have given it to you to make atonement for yourselves on the altar; it is the blood that makes the atonement for one's life."
Mark 3:28 (NIV)
"I tell you the truth, all the sins and blasphemies of men will be forgiven them."
Jesus Christ was my atoning blood. No matter what we do, as long as we confess with out mouth and believe in our hearts that he is the Son of God, all of our sins and blasphemies will be forgiven. It seems that in a world so dark and dreary that more people should be witnessing and living a life dedicated fully to Christ. I for one, do not pick up my cross daily. I pick up my baggage. I pick up the weight of a thousand things to do. I pick up my insecurities. I pick up the stress of having Nursing as a major. I pick up my past sins. I pick up the weight of other's problems - knowing full well that I cannot fix them on my own - yet here I stand with their baggage in hand. Matthew 28: 19 says: "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (NIV). What does this mean? It means that I need to be active. I need to live out my faith. I need to let go of all of the things that I am currently holding and just give them to God. I need to know and believe that even thought I can barely keep my head up, God is gently holding me and I don't have to try to keep my head up, I just have to look up and there it will stay.
Jesus Christ came to this earth and died for me. He died for you. He died for everyone. Anything and everything that I have ever done, thought, or acted on, has been forgiven. I am washed new daily and, what is even better than that, is His mercies are new EVERYDAY! That is a promise that I should never forget. God loves me and cherishes me more than I could ever asked to be loved by another human being. We all fall short, but the beautiful thing is that no matter how short, God is always there to catch us, pick us up, and in that still, small voice say: "I am here. I am holding you. And I love you."
Phil Wickham's song Divine Romance:
The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty's all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I'm completely satisfied
For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love
A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it's filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Noah
I have been told so many times that love is a choice. Now, I am living that out. Everyday I make a conscience decision to love Noah Daniel Irish. It is a choice that I happily make! He loves the Lord, he encourages my faith, he trusts me, and I know that I can trust him. He has a great family, he likes to talk to me (and to listen to me), he has a great laugh. He always sneezes at least five times-usually eight. He has the uncanny ability to grow a wicked beard in a short amount of time. He is willing to do Bible studies with me, he encourages me to do my own devotions, he loves others, he as a man worth looking up to. He gives me reasons to respect him every day. He is encouraging and most of the time positive. He wants the best out of this relationship.
The other day, we had the opportunity to speak with his pastor and his wife. They asked us if we truly felt called together. We both confirmed that we do. It is a strange thing to know that the man that I choose to love now, is the man that I choose to love for the rest of my life. We are not engaged nor do we plan to be anytime soon. But, as long as God keeps the doors of our hearts open to love and open to His will, we will continue on this path toward marriage. I'm excited, scared, impatient, faithful, and most of all, I find new reasons to love Noah everyday. And, as we grow in this relationship, I will continue to fall in love with my best friend. Because, that is what love is, a choice, an opportunity to love someone for the rest of your life. Your best friend, your biggest fan, and your partner in life.
Love is a choice. Love is a decision. Love is great. God's plans are best.
The other day, we had the opportunity to speak with his pastor and his wife. They asked us if we truly felt called together. We both confirmed that we do. It is a strange thing to know that the man that I choose to love now, is the man that I choose to love for the rest of my life. We are not engaged nor do we plan to be anytime soon. But, as long as God keeps the doors of our hearts open to love and open to His will, we will continue on this path toward marriage. I'm excited, scared, impatient, faithful, and most of all, I find new reasons to love Noah everyday. And, as we grow in this relationship, I will continue to fall in love with my best friend. Because, that is what love is, a choice, an opportunity to love someone for the rest of your life. Your best friend, your biggest fan, and your partner in life.
Love is a choice. Love is a decision. Love is great. God's plans are best.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Realizations
I have been extremely convicted of my constant need to put others down using my sarcasm lately. I don't mean to do it. But, I have learned that words are more hurtful than actions sometimes and they pierce the heart like a needle. In addition, my pride has been rearing its ugly head. Recently, I have been placing myself in a physically lower position than those that I am talking with. It helps me to see that I am no better than them and that I do not deserve to be seen in a higher light.
So much is going on at home, yet here I am in Washington. I just wish that I could be there for my mom and that I could watch Brodie as he adjusts to life with a label. I know that they don't NEED me there. But, I WANT to be there. My family means the world to me and I just have to continue to be on my knees for them instead of just worrying myself to death; that won't help a thing!
People often ask me when Noah and I are getting married: I AM ONLY 18! Not only that, but neither of us are ready to be married. We both have a lot of growing up to do before we make that kind of a commitment. I do love him though. More than I thought was possible at this stage in my life. He means so much to me and I am getting to the place where I can't even picture my life without him.
There are three weeks left in this season of my life: first year college student. It is so crazy how quickly this year has gone by. It kind of blows my mind that I am almost a 20-something and that I am no longer going to be considered a "freshman."
Thus far, I have realized a lot about myself and the people around me and how I relate to them. I have also fallen in love with the man that I never thought I would find. Also, I am continuing to fall in love with a God that I willingly serve and worship daily.
Life: it fascinates me.
So much is going on at home, yet here I am in Washington. I just wish that I could be there for my mom and that I could watch Brodie as he adjusts to life with a label. I know that they don't NEED me there. But, I WANT to be there. My family means the world to me and I just have to continue to be on my knees for them instead of just worrying myself to death; that won't help a thing!
People often ask me when Noah and I are getting married: I AM ONLY 18! Not only that, but neither of us are ready to be married. We both have a lot of growing up to do before we make that kind of a commitment. I do love him though. More than I thought was possible at this stage in my life. He means so much to me and I am getting to the place where I can't even picture my life without him.
There are three weeks left in this season of my life: first year college student. It is so crazy how quickly this year has gone by. It kind of blows my mind that I am almost a 20-something and that I am no longer going to be considered a "freshman."
Thus far, I have realized a lot about myself and the people around me and how I relate to them. I have also fallen in love with the man that I never thought I would find. Also, I am continuing to fall in love with a God that I willingly serve and worship daily.
Life: it fascinates me.
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