Friday, April 24, 2015

James 1:15 - The Art of Desiring

I want to go back to school.
I want to move to a new apartment.
I want to pay off all of our loans right now.
I want to have kids some day.
I want to be able to afford higher rent.
I want to work in ministry long term.
I want to counsel hurting young women.
I want to have more than one day off.
I want to not have to go back to school.
I want to just be a mom and wife.
I want to travel freely.
I want to have more goals.
I want to start crafting.

I want to tell you why this is toxic.

How many times have I made a list of things to change or accomplish? Well, far too many to tell you about. How often do I complain about where I am in life? Ask my husband. But the better question: how often am I thankful? Well, again, ask my husband. But, if I were to tell you that, this would be a much shorter post. James 1:15 says this, "Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death" (NKJV). Desire in itself is not a bad thing. In fact, to desire is to act on a God-given nature. But, where your desire is rooted is where the issues arise. Is there anything inherently evil about the things I've listed? Well, no. Most of them sound like healthy goals to have; getting out of debt, being fruitful and multiplying, being productive with my time, helping others, desiring rest, etc. But, in the list above, how many of those things are all about me?

Every. Single. One.

Please allow me the opportunity to be the first to say that I am a selfish being. I want what I want and I want it now. Uh hello, Veruca Salt.



But please allow me to also say this. self-depreciation or self-loathing is not the best way to change this attitude. At best, tearing yourself down just continues to put the focus back on you. Well, what is the best way? Your five-year-old-Sunday-school-self knows the answer: Jesus.

As our hearts are knit closer and closer to the heart of Christ, we become a brighter reflection of the Son. The desire part is not the issue. It is where the desire has become rooted. In the list of "I want to's" my desires are rooted in myself. The greek word for desire in James 1:15 (epithymia) means this: "desire, craving, longing, desire for what is forbidden, lust" (Blue Letter Bible Lexicon). This specific use of desire is a longing that is poorly rooted. Or rather, the chosen root placement is unhealthy to say the least. When I say "I want to be there not here." Or, "I want to have that not this," my desires have gotten off track. I am my own desires. And if we finish the verse, "sin, when it is full grown, leads to death" we can see the fruit of our labors. Desiring self does not seem toxic - at first. Goals, positions of leadership, nurturing, not bad. However, when your desires are based on furthering yourself - or even furthering/bettering the lives of others - rather than on furthering the Kingdom of God, well, your end has already been written.

But, desires' roots can be replanted.

Psalm 37:4-5 "Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass" (NKJV).

Psalm 38:9 "Lord, all my desire is before You; and my sighing is not hidden from You" (NKJV).

Isaiah 26:8 "Yes, in the way of Your judgements, O LORD, we have waited for You: The desire of our soul is for Your name and for the remembrance of You" (NKJV). 

The focus CAN be placed back on Christ. We are made to serve a master. Who or what you serve is a decision you make. It is a desire you place. It is a trust you build. Thankfully, we are unable to serve two masters (Matthew 6:24). 

So, all of this to say, where are your desires rooted? Where has your trust been placed? Who are you trying to further? Maybe this is a message that ruffles some feathers. Or maybe this is a message that is hard to hear simply because you can relate to my issues. Well, welcome to the club. Please, if you have any questions or comments or corrections about what I've said, feel free to ask! When I sat down to write this post, I wasn't sure what the end result would be. And, to be honest, I still am not quite sure how to end this post. But, I do know that the Word of God is truth and that it gives us something to point us in the right direction - the way of the Lord. 






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