Unemployment

For those who don't know, the woman I was taking care of as a caregiver passed away on December 20th. It was very expected, and so very peaceful. While this was a sad expectation, the realisation of being unemployed came with a little bit more of a shock. But, that would be a very long post. So, I thought instead, I would give you some insight into my most recent revelations about this all new chapter. Please enjoy and look for more updates as Jesus continues to show me the directions He already had planned for Noah and me ❤️
Things I've learned since being unemployed: 

1) finding a job is a full-time job - a truth my momma always told me about, but I've never understood until now.

2) so much of the world's communication is via computers; and though I find it annoying, that's just the world we live in.

3) not having a computer or internet at home has given me a new found appreciation for the public library system - especially since usage is free in Washington state. 

4) I haven't really written a resume since high school; come to find out, writing a resume is much easier when you have much less experience.

5) I've never had so much appreciation/respect for house-wives as I do now; somehow, I clean the house everyday, and it is just as messy just hours later - and we don't even have kids or pets!

6) sleeping in is both wonderful and dangerous in the sense that I have no pressing issues to attend to so, why not just sleep - then BOOM its 11AM and none of my goals have been accomplished.

7) my house can only be so clean before its obsessively clean.

8) the freedom to have a hobby is a bit daunting; there are so very many to choose from!

9) I, in fact, LOVE to cook; think of all the recipes Noah is going to have to try!

And finally, 10) the only thing that I now know to be 100% reliable in all walks of life is the never-ending, never-failing, all-knowing, love, will, and insight of my God: Jehovah Jirah, and Abba Father.

Briefly Updated

I'd like to be able to write a beautiful little ditty about my life as of late. But, I think there are just too many changes to report that it will not be a quick jot and the timer on my library computer only has 34 minutes left. But, I can give you bullet points. So, here goes:

1) Noah has been promoted to supervisor and today was the start of his new position at his new store.
2) I've been - thankfully - relieved of my 60-70 hour work weeks - people still laugh when I say I'm only working 48 hours per week.
3) I was outrageously spoiled by my friends and family for my 23rd birthday: surprise pedicures and dinner with 5 fabulous people whom I love, a trip up to WA by my lovely parents, and a couple of the most useful camping tools I could have (and probably did) ask for.
4) We love living in Monroe - thank the Lord my heart was finally changed. I cannot imagine living anywhere else.
5) My oldest nephew turned 16 and got his first car; 2 things I simply am unable to wrap my head around.
6) Beloved changed to Wednesday nights at our apartment and it has been so different and sweet.
7) I've been constantly reminded how L O V E D I am by the One True God and He has shown me that in a multitude of ways over the past months. And, undoubtedly will continue to show me over the course of my life.

I know it is short, but that is the best I can do for now. As I continue to commit to decorating our home and making it more...homey...I will do my best to share some photos. But, here I leave you, mildly updated and more in the loop. How can you stop and appreciate the things in your life? Even if it is only a 12 hour decrease in work hours - there is always something to be thankful for.

'Tis the season :)

The timer is now at 24 minutes.

James 1:15 - The Art of Desiring

I want to go back to school.
I want to move to a new apartment.
I want to pay off all of our loans right now.
I want to have kids some day.
I want to be able to afford higher rent.
I want to work in ministry long term.
I want to counsel hurting young women.
I want to have more than one day off.
I want to not have to go back to school.
I want to just be a mom and wife.
I want to travel freely.
I want to have more goals.
I want to start crafting.

I want to tell you why this is toxic.

How many times have I made a list of things to change or accomplish? Well, far too many to tell you about. How often do I complain about where I am in life? Ask my husband. But the better question: how often am I thankful? Well, again, ask my husband. But, if I were to tell you that, this would be a much shorter post. James 1:15 says this, "Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death" (NKJV). Desire in itself is not a bad thing. In fact, to desire is to act on a God-given nature. But, where your desire is rooted is where the issues arise. Is there anything inherently evil about the things I've listed? Well, no. Most of them sound like healthy goals to have; getting out of debt, being fruitful and multiplying, being productive with my time, helping others, desiring rest, etc. But, in the list above, how many of those things are all about me?

Every. Single. One.

Please allow me the opportunity to be the first to say that I am a selfish being. I want what I want and I want it now. Uh hello, Veruca Salt.

But please allow me to also say this. self-depreciation or self-loathing is not the best way to change this attitude. At best, tearing yourself down just continues to put the focus back on you. Well, what is the best way? Your five-year-old-Sunday-school-self knows the answer: Jesus.

As our hearts are knit closer and closer to the heart of Christ, we become a brighter reflection of the Son. The desire part is not the issue. It is where the desire has become rooted. In the list of "I want to's" my desires are rooted in myself. The greek word for desire in James 1:15 (epithymia) means this: "desire, craving, longing, desire for what is forbidden, lust" (Blue Letter Bible Lexicon). This specific use of desire is a longing that is poorly rooted. Or rather, the chosen root placement is unhealthy to say the least. When I say "I want to be there not here." Or, "I want to have that not this," my desires have gotten off track. I am my own desires. And if we finish the verse, "sin, when it is full grown, leads to death" we can see the fruit of our labors. Desiring self does not seem toxic - at first. Goals, positions of leadership, nurturing, not bad. However, when your desires are based on furthering yourself - or even furthering/bettering the lives of others - rather than on furthering the Kingdom of God, well, your end has already been written.

But, desires' roots can be replanted.

Psalm 37:4-5 "Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass" (NKJV).

Psalm 38:9 "Lord, all my desire is before You; and my sighing is not hidden from You" (NKJV).

Isaiah 26:8 "Yes, in the way of Your judgements, O LORD, we have waited for You: The desire of our soul is for Your name and for the remembrance of You" (NKJV). 

The focus CAN be placed back on Christ. We are made to serve a master. Who or what you serve is a decision you make. It is a desire you place. It is a trust you build. Thankfully, we are unable to serve two masters (Matthew 6:24). 

So, all of this to say, where are your desires rooted? Where has your trust been placed? Who are you trying to further? Maybe this is a message that ruffles some feathers. Or maybe this is a message that is hard to hear simply because you can relate to my issues. Well, welcome to the club. Please, if you have any questions or comments or corrections about what I've said, feel free to ask! When I sat down to write this post, I wasn't sure what the end result would be. And, to be honest, I still am not quite sure how to end this post. But, I do know that the Word of God is truth and that it gives us something to point us in the right direction - the way of the Lord.