I'm Ready

Where is my heart?

Is my mind focused on You?

You hold my world.

You gave me life.

You give my freedom.

Mercy pours out of your wounds.

Your blood covers my multitude of sins.

If I took the time to appreciate that,

my heart would be in better shape.

I miss hearing your voice.

I miss feeling your presence.

I know you never leave.

I think I got distracted.

Would you be willing to take me back?

You always are!

What joy!

You know my frustrations. 

You hold my tongue.

I will never be able to thank you enough for that.

Guide my steps.

Fill my thoughts.

Use my words.

Teach my hands.

Mold my heart.

Here I am Lord,

I'm vulnerable.

I'm ready. 

I just want more of You.

Just Meeting the Requirements

I just wrote this for a class and I felt the need to post it on here. That's it :)

Section I: Where I Come From

                I was born in Salem, Oregon in the year 1992. Linda May Culton, Paul Chadwick Culton are my older, all-be-it, determined parents. My mother was 42 when she had me, so to be certain, I am the youngest child. I have two siblings, a 42-year-old brother and a 35-year-old sister. Over the past twenty years, I have told countless people my sibling’s ages and the response is always the same; disbelief. Yet, this is where the story really begins. My mother fell in love with an Army man at the young age of 16. After being engaged for two years while her brave soldier fought for freedom in Vietnam, they were wed on his five day R and R in Hawaii. Soon after, he returned from war and she was pregnant with my brother, Patrick. He was born when my mother was almost 20. Having the desire for another child, my mother and Tony tried to conceive. After no success, my mother’s outlook was grim. Then, my mother’s cousin found out she was pregnant, yet she could not care for the child. Having called my mother – which in itself was an answer to my mother’s prayers – she flew out to California to give birth to the blessed child. Rebekah was adopted by my mother Linda and her husband Tony within 24 hours of her birth. Following that blessing, my mother had 4 miscarriages with Tony. This is the part of the story where my future begins to unfold.

            Tony passed away due to being sprayed with Agent Orange while in Vietnam. They had a year together after his diagnosis of idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. So, to summarize, my mother had four miscarriages, her husband passed away, leaving her with two children; one 18, the other 11. My mother married my father one year later. They wed, and once again, my mother began the conception process. With two miscarriages, her outlook again was grim. Until my birth, my mother had had six miscarriages. Then, she was done trying, and had three beautiful children.

            My father, mother, sister, and I lived in Salem, Oregon for three years. Two years in an old Victorian house and one year in an apartment; the moving had begun. We moved to eastern Oregon to be missionaries to migrant workers. My father speaks Spanish fluently so he was able to communicate and my mother and I tried our best. We did that until I was four when my parents decided to leave the ministry to be interim pastors at a quaint little Baptist church in Owyhee, Oregon. Move number three. Following our stent at Owyhee, we moved to Nyssa, Oregon where we kept our roots for 3 years before moving to Oravada, Nevada for 6 months to once again do missions work. Move number four. Our fifth move took us back to Nyssa, until our sixth move took us to the western part of Oregon. We moved into a duplex in Canby, Oregon where my mother continued homeschooling me. Then, we didn’t have a home; just a storage unit. We lived with our pastor for 6 months – move number seven – and then did missions for 3 months in Cove, Oregon – mover number eight – before being able to buy a trailer home in a trailer community in Aurora, Oregon – move number nine. When all seemed calm, we moved to California for 6 months while my father worked with his brother. Move number ten. Our eleventh move was back to the trailer where I went finished my secondary education in the local school district, and where my parents still reside and have lived for the past 9 years. To say that change is a common part of my life would be an understatement. 

            Through all of the moves that I experienced, my parents were loyal through and through. My father had a multitude of odd-jobs, obviously giving us cause for all of those moves. The most influential role my father has played in my life is teaching me to be confident in who I am and to not be easily embarrassed. He did this unintentionally. I learned a lot of these characteristics throughout my life after my father was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) when I was 5. This is a neurological disorder under the Autism spectrum. The most common symptom of this syndrome is being socially awkward or inept. Over the past 15 years of learning about AS and living with a father with AS, being comfortable in socially uncomfortable situations has become a specialty of mine. As far as my mother is concerned, she taught me to be flexible; a value I will never take for granted. My mother would always say, “Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be broken;” a mantra she borrowed from her pastor. The other value I learned from my mother is love. To give love and to be loved is one of the most precious gifts people share and should be treasured as such. She also taught me cleanliness, but that is a value I am still learning to appreciate.

            All of our moves introduced me to a multitude of people; positively influential people and negative situations that turned into positive influences. One such person was Kris Ward, my Sunday school teacher when I was 4 and the grandmother of my best friend at the time. I would go over to her house all of the time and she would just love me and treat me as her own daughter. Kris was able to lower the amount of brat I gave off and raise the humble and gentile side of me that had been hidden away. She treated me well and encouraged me with the love of God. This woman helped me to lay a solid foundation which was shaken when I was a sophomore in high school.

            My first ever boyfriend, Zach, told me after three months of “dating,” that he was gay and there was nothing I could do about it. This moment was when my values of love and flexibility were questioned. How could I love someone who shook my world so much and introduced me to worldly pain? Yet, when I told him I did not agree with his choice, yet I still loved him as a person, he threatened me by saying, “You only think it’s wrong because your parents do.” My faith became my own when I responded, “No Zach, God blatantly says that what you have chosen is a sin, and that is why I believe what I do. I love you as a person, but I hate your sin.” Since that time, I have been living my faith, and not merely standing on the morals that my parents hold to.

            Another value I hold is to appreciate life. This is important to me because, a common occurrence in my life has been death. I have been to 7 funerals, all of people whom I loved. Yet, the most influential death in my life thus far was the death of my four-year-old cousin, Braydon Douglas Taylor. I have written countless papers about how much Braydon’s death impacted my life, but with regards to this paper, I will look at the aspect of nursing. Braydon was diagnosed with a medulloblastoma, with is a fancy way of saying he had cancer in his cerebellum, at the age of three. We – my rather large family – celebrated his fourth birthday at the hospital and a week and a half later, he passed away. The reason Braydon’s death caused me to realize that I was supposed to be a nurse all hinged on one interaction with Braydon’s nurse.

            I was singing “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands” to my comatose cousin when she walked in. I was by myself, and, assuming that she would want me to be quiet, I stopped singing. However, she surprised me by saying, “No! Keep singing! Hearing is the last thing to go. I know he can hear you.” So, I sang. He didn’t move. And I wept. That was my freshman year of high school, and since then, I have known I was to go to school to become a nurse. However, finances were not something I had thought to account for. One of the odd-jobs my father had was teaching English as a Second Language to fifth graders. During 2001, my father lost his teaching job, and has been unemployed since that time. My mother works full time, yet with an income of about $38,000 a year, it is safe to say that my family would be in the “upper-lower class” bracket as far as economics are concerned and that number is not promising when looking to come to Northwest University. But, as He has proved time and time again, God is good to provide. The same day that I went to register for classes at a community college in Oregon, my uncle called and told me that whatever I couldn’t afford to go to Northwest, he would pay for. And now, here I am.

Section II: Who I Am

            I have always enjoyed school. I love to learn and I actually enjoy doing homework – most of the time. God has just been so faithful to me to bring people into my life who have encouraged me to follow my heart and do what He has called me to do; which is to love others for his glory and in his name. Once I was accepted in to Northwest University, I was instantly nervous. Had high school really prepared me for college? Would my little Podunk education from Farmville, U.S.A. give me the tools to be successful at a private university? Well, as most Christians learn, it is in our weakest moments that God proves himself strong and mighty. And usually, his plan is way better than our own.

            My freshman year of college, I considered changing my major to education because I didn’t think I was really cut out to be a nurse. This doubt came almost exactly four years after Braydon’s death. And not only was it doubt, it was fear. I was scared that I was going to fail. I was nervous that my uncle’s investment would be a failure. I was worried about letting all of the people who had poured love into me down. My obstacle was no longer finances, nor was it opportunity, it was me.

            After much prayer and petition, I knew that I was supposed to be a nurse and that was just how it was going to be. I also knew that missionary work was of high priority to me. In actuality, missions was the other deciding factor aside from Braydon’s death for my becoming a nurse. I wanted to be an undercover missionary if you will. I wanted to spread God’s word in countries where God’s word was forbidden. And more than that, I wanted a way to be able to “go into the entire world” (Mark 16:15).  Nursing was that opportunity. All doubts, fears, worries, anxieties, and nervousness aside, nursing was it; my calling, my future, and now, my present.

            The values that I have acquired over the past twenty years have just solidified my calling to be a nurse. Nursing offers the ability to love someone despite any afflictions they may have. To offer them the best possible care and to give it to them as if their lives depended on it; which, it does. I love to give love. To be held in someone’s eyes as a source of Christ. I am not a “fixer” of broken people. I am merely a tool that God is able to use to mend. I’ve tried to fix people; Zach was the first person I tried to fix. That fell apart. I am just a tool that can be used to implement a feeling of love and care into someone’s life who may have never felt loved or cared about. Sure, I have had friends call me “mom” and friends laugh at my desire to help when someone has a cut. But, that’s not what nursing is about for me. Of course, help people. But, in doing so, I hope to be able to relay love. That is my main objective.

            Having experienced so much death was another deciding factor to pursue nursing as a life-long career. Death has a way of morphing who we are. My grandfather’s death was felt in a different way than the death of my nine-year-old friend killed in a car accident. However, both deaths changed my outlook. I can remember as a child thinking about how death was just so foreign. Why would that happen? What happens? Questions often plagued my mind as to why Tony died. Why would a middle-aged man die and as a consequence, I would be brought into this world? I often feared that my sister would be embittered at the thought that her dad had to die so that I could have life. But, as said, death morphs who we are; either for the better or the worse.

            To me, death is as much a part of life as breathing is. We can’t do anything without it, yet it is something that is completely taken for granted. Rather, life is taken for granted and death projects that truth. I felt that having had experience with death would help me in the nursing world. By no means am I saying death is comfortable for me. Nor is it something I look forward to. It takes its toll every time. Pain comes whether or not I want it to and without fail, the same questions are asked. Why did this happen? How could this happen? What will happen now? They all plague my mind. Yet, death is s common occurrence in the medical world and being able to somewhat comprehend death is crucial to knowing how to cope.

            Generally, I am a very easy-going person. I love people. I love helping. I love loving. I get frustrated, I break down now and then, and I often question where I am going. I love my family. I appreciate small things. Yet, in the same breath, small things are often what frustrate me the most. I try not to dwell on unimportant offenses, but I do. It’s something I feel I will always be working on improving. I know the love of God and that His love ought to be the love that I reflect. I know that I am not perfect, nor do I aspire to be.

            I have been dating Noah Irish for two years on October 14, 2012 and I could not be happier about that. I have three nephews who are some of my best friends. I have a best friend in Oregon, and several in Washington. I love to travel and I hope to do so throughout my nursing career. Having older parents has shaped my outlook on life. They are part of the “Baby Boomer” group and their values hold true to the generic outlook of people their age. They taught me hard work, respect, fairness, honesty, and quality. There are so many other facets to my life, some of which I am still learning to appreciate. But, they all make up me. The above lists of who I am are just a piece of me. Not all. I am still learning who I am and nursing is a big part of that. 

The First Installment of "New Beginnings"

Introduction

I was born in Salem, Oregon in the year 1992. Linda May Culton, Paul Chadwick Culton are my older, all-be-it, determined parents. My mother was 42 when she had me, so to be certain, I am the youngest child. I have two siblings, a 42-year-old brother and a 35-year-old sister. Over the past twenty years, I have told countless people my sibling’s ages and the response is always the same; disbelief. Yet, the reason for the extensive gap in ages is simply part of my story; rather, my mother’s story is what brings my beginning. My mother fell in love with an Army man at the young age of 16. After being engaged for two years while her brave soldier fought for freedom in Vietnam, they were wed on his five day R and R in Hawaii. Soon after, he returned from war and she was pregnant with my brother, Patrick. He was born when my mother was almost 20. Being the wonderful motherly type that she is, my mother knew that she wanted to have more children – nine to be exact. Yet, the Lord had different plans. My mother’s cousin found out she was pregnant, yet she could not care for the child. Having called my mother – which in itself was an answer to my mother’s prayers – she flew out to California to give birth to the blessed child. Rebekah was adopted by my mother Linda and her husband Tony within 24 hours of her birth. Following that blessing, my mother had 4 miscarriages with Tony. And then, her story changed. Tony passed away due to being sprayed with Agent Orange while in Vietnam. They had a year together after his diagnosis of idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. He loved his children and wife and enjoyed his time with them before he went home to be with his Father at the age of 41. Rebekah was 11, Patrick 19, and my mother 38. One year later, my mother fell in love with my father. However, it should be noted that her grieving is not to be ignored. She remained a good mother as well as a wonderful provider for her two fatherless children. Yet, my father was in the picture none the less. After they were wed, they moved from California to Oregon; where I was born. My mother struggled with 2 more miscarriages. This is where my story begins to form. After her 6 miscarriages, my mother found out that she was yet again pregnant. Her hope for the life of this child was dismal at best. However, after 9 months, she was still pregnant and in full term. I was born October 10^th, 1992 to two proud and astonished parents. My father would say, “You had an umbrella head that just opened up after you came out.” This too, is part of my story. To say that being the seventh conception had never seemed a truly blessed part of my story until this past year. After telling a friend of mine a short version of my testimony, he quickly pointed out to me that the number 7 is the number of completion and perfection; God’s number. To have someone say to you that you are completion is life changing. I often think about how my mother wanted to have 9 children, yet had only three. But, if the miscarriages are counted as they should be, she did have 9 children. However, the other six have been blessed to dwell with the Lord in heaven for the past 30+ years and when we all finally go to be with our Father, the reunion will be one of memorable proportions. I have always desired to write a memoir of my life. I have never had the fluency or true ability to until now. And as unimportant as my life may be in the grand scheme of things in this world, I am a child of God and I will never be marked as unimportant in His eyes; which is why these words are now being written. To the skeptics, there is no true purpose behind these hundreds of words. I suppose they could be called, “A New Reality” or perhaps just a young woman writing out her feelings. But, regardless, this is my life and if I am to be a part of this world, and we are supposed to all be connected, then who am I to withhold my story from anyone? So, this is where we will begin; where the stories that I have always been told begin; our first house on Church Street in Salem, Oregon.

Musical Encouragement

These songs have been speaking volumes to me these past couple months! I hope that whatever they are speaking to me, they speak to the viewer too!

Emotions Run Deep

Last night was the first night that I have felt sad, joyful, overwhelmed, enlightened, and like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. And, after crying an overwhelming amount and praying with Noah, I think I've figured out what exactly is going on. As I was riding home from a short trip to WA for Noah's birthday on Sunday, I had the overwhelming feeling of just wanting to be with Christ. No more world, no more sorrow, I just want to go Home. While I think it is a good think to desire the Lord and to be with Him, it is not good to take for granted our time here. I need to take all the opportunities I can to share the Gospel with anyone I meet! After chatting with a friend who has made the decision to not need Christ as much anymore, my heart was broken! How could I have sat back and not helped this friend of mine all while she was hurting without reaching out and offering prayer, hope, encouragement, SOMETHING! That was the first link in my stream of tears.

The second link had to do with statistics. Reading about all of the men and women who are plagued with a pornography addiction. It breaks my heart to know that every second, $3075.00 is being spent on porn. There are over 24 million websites that offer pornography to it's viewers; that is 12% of the internet! And the most shocking statistic, the average age that children see internet pornography is 11. ELEVEN! That is utterly appalling. And, I wish with everything in me that there was something I could physically do to end this! That is completely awful and speaks volumes about the world that we live in!

The rest of the emotions I felt all had to do with joy. I am just so blessed at all that God is doing in my life! I am so looking forward to nursing school and all that it will offer me! I am excited, and nervous, and just looking so forward to everything that God is bringing my way!

Thirdly - this is where the joy emotion comes in - I am so thankful to be dating someone that I can easily call my best friend. Noah listened to me the entire time I cried and what was his solution? Prayer! What a blessing!

Sometimes, girls just gotta cry. And, I did. Now, I know what I need to be praying about!

The Sum of All Parts

Changing Seasons. I have never really thought about what that means. As the title of my blog, you would assume that I know all about it. Yet, truth be told, I am simply in the midst of it. Life is full of changing seasons. What would we be if all we ever did was walk around knowing just what to expect all the time. I am learning that changing seasons aren't simply a good thing, they are a necessary thing.

The first change that I am seeing in my life is the fact that at the end of this month, I will be an aunt to a 13 year old young man, the sweetest 6 year old, and the most determined 2-almost 3-year old. This in itself is hard to believe. For the longest time, Bradly has been my link to childhood. Being born to older parents, and having much older siblings does not exactly promote an immature child. Bradly always brought me back down to that, and I will never question if it was a good or bad thing. Hitting, pushing, punching, teasing, loving, adoring, being proud of, and watching someone younger than me grow has been quite an experience; and an honor to say the least. As for Brodie and Brenner, well, I am still their aunty and will always be proud of them and love them. But, neither of them have been the little brother to me that Bradly has. To say that I feel old knowing that he is 13 would be an understatement. He is my first 'Changing Season.'

 My second change is my family as a whole. Well, summing up my family is nearly impossible. I love them so dearly and that will never change. However, as I am growing up, my mother has transitioned to one of my best friends. She is no longer "parenting" me, but just talking to me about life and I am learning from her and listening to her. Her wisdom has blessed me and I am excited to say that I now call her friend! As for my sister, the same has happened. She is now one of my best friends. I knew that she always would be but to be able to relate to her better by being an adult has definitely brought us closer together. My father and I have always had an interesting relationship. I know that he loves me and is abundantly proud of me and that is exactly what I have needed all of these years. He is one of my biggest advocates and I know that full well. The change going on in my family is not a bad thing, in fact, it is quite the opposite. It is the natural flow of life. It is just new. This is my second 'Changing Season.'

The third change is Noah. Our relationship is always growing and I am continuing to learn so many reasons why I love him, care for him, respect him, and look forward to every day with him. I say that he is a changing season for the following reason: I am in a "serious relationship." I have always thought that saying a serious relationship was so cliche and not something I was ever going to do. But, when compared to my other relationships, Noah surpasses them all. From being able to talk to him about anything, to talking about marriage, Noah and I have the kind of relationship that I still can not believe I am old enough to have. He is easily my best friend and I am so excited to see where the Lord continues to take us. But, being at a stage in life where it is not uncommon to be talking about weddings and the possibility of spending my life with someone continues to amaze me. Noah, is a 'Changing Season.'

 My fourth and final season has to do with States. And by states, I mean Washington. I suppose thought that is is not necessarily the state itself, all be it beautiful, but the people that are in that state. To say that my friends at Northwest University have changed my life would not even come close to the actual impact that they have had. My life has not been the same since I have made all of my friends in the state of Washington. Granted, they are not all from there and that is what I love. Diversity. Particularly Rylie, Reba, Kaity, Casey, Natalie, and countless other people have become life-long friends and not being with them this Summer has been much more difficult than I thought it would be. My roots are not longer in Aurora, OR. My roots are at Northwest University. I have been transplanted to Washington. Granted, I have friends here that I wish I could keep with me. Like Alexa, Bailee, Jake, etc. They still mean so much to me. Yet, the majority of my friends still reside in Washington. Northwest University has done so much for me as far as education goes, but by far, God has provided me with friends I know I will have for the rest of my life. They are my 'Changing Season.'

Life is so interesting and watching seasons change is so fascinating, but allowing God to change my seasons is so...fun! I never know what to expect and all I have to do is trust and let Him do the rest! So, here is to my seasons and not knowing what to expect in them! Amen!

 

Surrender = Glorifying

Words that came to me during church this past Sunday, the 11th of March:

The call to live a life glorifying to God cannot be lived out selectively. The call to glorify Him should be enacted in all areas; and the parts that I don't feel ready to surrender yet, are the parts of my life that need to be surrendered first. I can try to fix them, but until I live a life glorifying Him in ALL aspects, those areas will continue to fall apart. Surrender is a way of glorifying; get there.

February 4th

Today, my beautiful family came to see me. After driving a little over 200 miles, I had a wonderful day! I miss seeing them and gleaning from my mom the wisdom that she has to offer.

Everyone Struggles

This sounds completely ridiculous, but something finally dawned on me today: people are CONSTANTLY going through trials. Not just my close friends, or even the people that I would just call acquaintances, everyone is constantly experiencing something that I have no idea about. God has been opening so many doors for me to speak with people about things that they are going through. I feel as though He has entrusted me to be with His flock, even though I am a part of that flock and I have to seek out counsel as well. Yet, somehow, He keeps confirming that I am a trustworthy person. But, without a doubt, I would not be this way if it wasn't for Him. This entry is not to brag it's just a note of what I have seen in my life. I couldn't believe how hard it hit me that people are constantly experiencing something! Why has that never occurred to me before? People all over the world are suffering, rejoicing, depressed, joyful, every emotion is currently being felt by someone on this big planet as I type! How mind-blowing is that! And what's more is that I am only affected by the few people that I know! So, this means that there are so many more opportunities out there that I am unaware of! My prayer is that God would give me His eyes to see those that need someone. Whether it is just a small affirmation of how much they mean to me, or how much they are cherished, we are a people that need to be built up and God has gifted us with that ability. Whether it is a gift or not, saying something small to someone could change their whole outlook. For me, how much more could I be showing the love of God to people that I am not even aware of! Like the Live Dead challenge, I am simply praying. Praying that opportunities would arise, that God would change someone's heart, that I would be deemed worthy of being used. I believe that God gave us voices to use for His glory and His purpose and if we choose to use our words to tear people down, judge (which I will admit I am guilty of), belittle, or anything that brings harm to someone, we are not using our God-given abilities for the glory of the One who gave them to us! How we react to hurt or anger or sadness is our decision, but how we show our love to others....well, the Bible says that we were made in the image of God and that He knit us together in our mother's womb (Psalm 139:13) and what better way to show the love of God, than to love on someone the way Jesus did for us. Offering every piece of ourselves to His service is hard, but it is more than worth it.

Live Dead Day #1

Here it is. Live Dead challenge Day #1. The best part is that this day is not over yet! Feeling confident in Christ and continuing to seek His will for my life in whatever capacity that may be! I have been in prayer all day over my life as well as other's lives. I have no idea what I should be expecting from God but, whatever it is, He is forever good!

Words from my Author

God spoke these words to me last night (January 28, 2012) in a moment of weakness:
(who would have thought that God is a poet!)

There will be a day
just you wait and see
that what I AM putting you through
is where you need to be
perhaps your heart is hurting
and you just want to shout
but trust in ME little one
I AM your only way out
tears are falling down your face
and anger fills your heart
but remember MY dear child
I saved you with MY grace
this life you live is not your own
I gave it for MY service
but how you choose to use it
well
I have a greater purpose
trust in ME with all you have
because I know what's best
put your faith in ME dear one
because I'VE paid the rest

Exhausted, Yet Lifted Up

This week has been one of the more hectic weeks I have had in a very long time. Plans changed rapidly, it was Screamin' Eagles Week, I had not one, two, or three guests stay with me...but four! I went to the emergency room on Monday night, got back at 3:30 a.m. and took an exam in my 8:00 a.m. class the next day (passed with a 94%, Praise God!). I fell asleep on the floor during my dinner break at work, got all of my assignments completed and turned in on time, interpretive danced to Fireflies with all of my sisters, remembered why I fell in love with God and how much He has done for me, remembered one of the reasons why I fell in love with Noah and grabbed my heart back before it became re-entangled. Needless to say, this week has been exhausting. Yet, I have never experienced the grace of God to such fullness as I did this week!

Taking time with God was absolutely necessary this week. Which I did. Someone said to me this week: "We have to face pain without fear." This has meant so much to me just thinking about how different my life would be if I didn't have Christ to lean on and depend on for my strength; knowing that He is the only reason why I don't need to live in fear of what COULD be! This Monday is the beginning of the Live Dead challenge. I am looking forward to what God has in mind for me to experience in His infinite grace.

Noah and I are going to coffee today. As it has become in my mind, going to coffee means that you are trying to get to know someone better. So, it will be interesting to see what comes about after today. I am hoping that my heart will stay content with being blissfully at peace with what God is doing! God is so good and after a couple minor breakdowns this week (just struggling with trusting His will over mine) I am confident in who I am in Christ and I am confident in what He is doing in me!

"Do not let your hearts be troubles. Trust in God, trust also in me." John 14:1

The following is a note that one of the girls who stayed with me this week wrote to me:
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4 -for Elisabeth Culton
This is not only a blessing but a promise for when you mourn He promises there will be comfort. Trust that He is the ultimate comforter (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) and his desire for you is not that your mourning will go unnoticed but trust/know that you will find comfort."

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comfort us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Snow Days

After one week of an overabundance of snow, I have learned so much about myself. This week has been full of falls, laughs, late nights, friends, and trust. Not only has this week been an entire week of snow days, but this has been a "Noah fast" week. But, I will get to that later. The whole week has been somewhat of a blur. As Rylie and I sat and reminisced this afternoon, it was difficult to recall everything that we have done. Although, one thing I know for sure, we did make a new friend: Marcelin. An interesting fellow.Our friendship was rather unexpected but he has provided Reb, Rylie and I with entertainment so I am not complaining. This week has been beautiful. I don't remember ever seeing snow like this. Thank God is was here with my friends!

Now about this "Noah fast." After Rylie and Reba's intervention, I realized that there was a much needed break from Noah that wasn't taking place. Thus, the fast. Now, it hasn't exactly been fun. It's been very difficult, but I have had the ability to get my priorities straight. Also, I have been able to relate to people in ways that I most likely would not have been able to otherwise. Seeing Noah doesn't hurt as much anymore. I can now look at him and know that this is the right thing that needs to happen. I don't know where I would be if it weren't for Rylie and Reba. They have been so faithful to pull me out of my slump.

God has been so good to me this week. Well, not just this week. He has been good to me always. But, sometimes we have to get to the lowest points in order to be built up by the only One who is able to build us up to our fullest capacity. It saddens me to know that it took me getting to this place to realize how truly faithful God has been. Sharing my testimony in chapel certainly helped with that realization.

This week has most definitely been an unexpected adventure. And here are the end results and realizations:
- I am now an avid fan of How I Met Your Mother
- Rylie and Reba are undoubtedly two of the best friends I have ever had
- Part of my hair is red
- I have found where my priorities need to lie and I will continue to put them there
- Sometimes we need silence to yell at us and show us the right path
- Not talking to someone after talking every day for a year and a half is very difficult
- I have an unexpected friend with whom I am blessed
- God is more faithful to me than I have ever realized

"I'm too blessed to be stressed, and too annointed to be disappointed."

Another Season

I miss holding hands with the person I thought was going to hold my hand forever.
I miss looking into his eyes and knowing that I was safe.
I miss walking and talking and just entrusting everything to him.

Despite all of these things that I miss so terribly,
I know that God has such a wonderful plan.

Taking a step back and looking at our relationship,
I have been able to see that things weren't nearly as perfect as I thought they were.

Hearts have been hurt and lives have been altered.
But, I know that if we are truly called together,
Then we will be together.

No more crying over what was.
No more wishing I had a best friend at that level.

Now, all that I can do is trust.
Trust him.
Trust myself.
But most importantly,
Trust God.

He is bigger than the pain that I feel.
He is bigger than the hurt that aches.

God knows exactly how this is going to turn out.

Habbukuk 3:17-19:
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will REJOICE in the LORD, I will be JOYFUL in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my STRENGTH; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He ENABLES me to go on the heights."

AMEN!

Here's to many more. 

Many more pictures.

Many more hands held.

Many more tears cried.

Many more laughs.

Many more memories. 

Here's to God bringing us together.

And here's to God keeping us together.