Sacrifice of Praise

Recently, my plans have been altered. As previously posted, I am no longer enrolled in the Northwest University Buntain School of Nursing. However, I am still enrolled in Northwest. I am living in Monroe in a lovely couple's spare room. I am helping to lead youth, and I am starting up a young women's Bible study at Calvary Chapel Monroe. I haven't been home since March, my things are either in storage or in my half of a closet. I have cried more in the past day than I have in a long while. I told my mother the other day that I feel like my life is an etch-a-sketch. I had everything all drawn out like I thought it should be and God came and shook everything and made my plans disappear in order to remind me that He is the author and perfecter of my faith and He knows better than I do what exactly I am supposed to do in this life. All I know is that my offering of praise is minimal at best. My offering of trust and willingness is adequate, but praise . . . how can I praise Him when my world seems to be hanging by a thread? Well first of all, I can pray according to HIS WILL. I John 5:14 says, "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us." Uh, hello! I want to be heard - but, it is only through HIS will (not mine) that He hears me. Second, how do I show my love for God in this time of frustration and confusion? "This is love for God: to obey His commands. And his commands are not burdensome" I John 5:3. Did you catch that? His commands are NOT BURDENSOME! Well, there is a good place to start. I should be following His commands rather than my own or the commands of this world. So far, commands of this world have proven to be fruitless and futile because, "...the whole world is under the command of the evil one" I John 5:19. But, the very next verse says this: "We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true - even in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life" I John 5:20. Well, there you go! UNDERSTANDING. That is a gift - not so that we can know everything there is to know. No! So that we may know HIM WHO IS TRUE - the ETERNAL LIFE and TRUE GOD. That is someone who I want to know!

So, having said all of that, I know that my praise is to be offered. I am serving the TRUE GOD who gives me understanding, hears my prayers, doesn't burden me, and offers me eternal life. I know that life is hard, people die, I sin, bad things happen to good people, and sometimes I burn the toast. But, hey, if there is someone who loves me enough to offer His Son as a ransom for my sins, than I ought to be down on my knees even if I feel like I will never be able to get up. 

"You turned my wailing into DANCING; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with JOY, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever." 

Psalm 30:11-12

Creativity, or Something Like It.

A creation that I am quite proud of. Here's to hoping it goes viral.

An Exhilarating Close

Another chapter in my life has come to a close. Tomorrow, at 1:40 PM, my Junior year of nursing will conclude...for now. I would love to say that it is ending for ever, but apparently, that is not what God has in mind. Rather, I will be competing my missions minor, as well as earning my psychology minor during the fall and spring semester next year along with repeating a couple of classes from this semester. My professor said to me just yesterday, "Elisabeth, this is a loss. Allow yourself the time to grieve and be sad about it. And then, move on." Granted, it is a loss that I will not be in the program, it is an even bigger loss of my pride. Having my plans completely altered, that wasn't on my list of things to do in my life; but thankfully, I have the best event planner on my side. So, as one chapter comes to an exhilarating close, another is eloquently introduced. The next chapter will be titled: The Modified Mission Field. On Friday, I move into a family's home in Monroe and I will spend my Summer working with the youth of Calvary. To say I am surprised that I will be preaching and leading all Summer would be an understatement. I am literally baffled. Praise God that He is able to fill my mouth because most of the time, it just needs to be shut! So, my book is still being written, and thankfully, I have a wonderful Author. 

"You will keep perfectly peaceful the one whose mind remains focused on You, because he (a.k.a. Elisabeth) remains in You." 

- Isaiah 26:3

3 Days

There are only three days left in the school year until I am done with my first year of nursing school and I have no idea what the next year is going to look like. Although, I do know that it will look like what God has in mind - because I got nothin'! The best part is, I am completely fine with not knowing. I have a back-up plan. What I do know is that this year has been challenging, growing, difficult, purposeful, encouraging, fulfilling, and just downright wonderful! So many adventures that I wish I could write out now. But, with those final three days of school come more than three days worth of homework that needs to be done. 

Values

Sitting in a coffee shop, I overhear a man say, "I told her to just terminate now."

He was talking about life.

He was referring to his daughter and how she is so young and pregnant. I just can not believe it! Let's address my folly to be fair - I should not have been eavesdropping. End of story. He has the freedom and ability to feel how he feels and express what he expresses and I should not be judging. However, I just realized the state of our world!

Since when is it okay to tell YOUR baby what she should do with HER baby?! Let alone, to tell her that she should kill her baby. Wow. It saddens me to know that people feel that life should be ended just because of how young someone is. Granted, a girl may be ill-prepared to take care of a child at a young age, but nevertheless, it is life. Precious, God-given life. There is no telling how that baby's life will turn out, but it is fair to say that the child will, in the least, have life!

My heart breaks over the fact that this baby will enter life with the reality that someone wanted it dead. Wow.

Values - what are they?
And, where does the reality of life take importance?

Blessed Assurance

In nursing school, they preach the whole idea of "prevention." Rather than cure someone, just help them to not acquire any diseases. Well, as made evident by society, disease is inevitable. And, until today, I was just another non-compliant human.

Despite multiple suggestions from my sister to go to the ophthalmologist, I have not gone. Until today.

He was kind enough to numb my eyeballs, expose them to the world via dilation, shine an extremely bright light in them, and then proceed to tell me that my optic nerves are "pink and happy." This all sounds so pleasant. Then, came the verdict I was hoping he was going to rule out for me.

"Because of the fact that you are 20, a woman, and presenting with all of these symptoms, I can't rule out MS. You can have MS without optic neuritis - which you don't have. So, I can't say for sure. You need to see a neurologist who will do some tests, and if those come up inconclusive, then you can go in a big machine that will take pictures of your brain. So, it's either too much stress and your body is revolting, or MS."

Well...this all seems so sudden. Perhaps I fell over once. And yes, my eyes are blurry. And I will even admit to my hands feeling like they are on fire. I will even admit to a headache everyday. But MS? No.

I am doing my best to not dwell on the "what-ifs" of this situation. I simply say that the doctor is trying to "rule out MS." Because, as far as I am concerned, these strange things are not MS. I just have a rebellious body. 

Prayer. That's all I've got to keep me calm. 

Blessed Assurance

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
This is my story, this is my song,
  Praising my Savior all the day long.

Body

I've held sleeping babies
I've held crying women
I've held the hurting addict
I've held the pen to paper
I've held the hands of my love
I've held my nephews
I've held my terrified sister after a fire
I've held the door for strangers
I've held my makeup brush
I've held cameras making memories
I've held tear-stained letters
I've held the cell phone - always a distraction
I've held anger inside
I've held hurt in my eyes
I've held fear and sorrow where no one can find
I've held stress on my brow
I've held frustration
I've held my Bible
I've held a microphone
I've held on to a podium for dear life
I've held hospital gowns
I've held stethoscopes
I've held someone's medication
I've held thoughts dear to me
I've held responsibilities
I've held a broken arm
I've held on to past sorrows
I've held on to guilt
I've held on to pride
I've held on to hope
I've held on to joy
I've held on to friends
I've held weights
I've held the weight of the world - or so I thought
I've held decisions
I've held secrets
I've held my tongue
I've held food
I've held onto the fact that even though I feel like I've held onto so much, God is always holding onto me.